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Dumb Men Jokes 2

    Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a non-lazy man (who helps out around the house), and a lazy man are about to jump off a bridge into water. Who makes the biggest splash?
    A: The lazy man. The other 3 don't exist.

    Q: Why don't men do laundry?
    A: Because the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!

    Q: Why do men have a hole at the end of their penis?
    A: So they can think open-mindedly.

    Q: What's a man's idea of protected sex?
    A: A padded headboard.

    Q: What do you call a woman that works like a man?
    A: A Lazy bitch.

    Q: Why did God create men?
    A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

    Q: Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
    A: So men can tell if they are coming or going.

    Q: How are men like parking spaces?
    A: he good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped

    Q: What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
    A: Gifted

    Q: What's the difference between a man and a cow?
    A: One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!

    Q: How are men and beer bottles alike?
    A: They're both empty from the neck up.

    Q: Why do woman fake orgasms?
    A: Because men fake foreplay!

    Q: Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
    A: It had a penis AND a brain!

    Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
    A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.

    Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    A: No one knows, it's never happened

    Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Only 1 (Men are good at screwing things up!)

    Q: What is the difference between government bonds and men?
    A: Government bonds mature.

    Q: What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
    A: Put the remote control between his toes

    Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
    A: Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

    Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
    A: E.T. phoned home.

    Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
    A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

    Q: What did God say after he created man?
    A: "I can do better than this."

    Q: How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
    A: We cook; they eat. We clean; they dirty. We iron; they wrinkle.

    Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
    A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

    Q: What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
    A; A hot dog and a six-pack.

    Q; How are men like noodles?
    A: They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

    Q; Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
    A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.

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