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New Year Jokes

New Years Resolutions for Pets

    12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
    11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
    10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
    9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
    8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
    7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
    6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
    5. Always scoot before licking.
    4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
    3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
    2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

    AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

    1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

    - submitted by Jokes4U.


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