I wish I had a penny for every boy that's asked me out.
Wow, so you'd have enough to use a public lavatory then!

Q: What would it take to get you to kiss me?
A: An anaesthetic!

Why is your face all scratched?
My girlfriend said it with flowers.
How romantic.
Not really, she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses!

I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you. I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin!

Q: Do you like me?
A: Well, as boys go your OK, and the further you go the better!

Q: Where are you off to?
A: The doctors, I don't like the look of my husband.
Q: Can I come with you?
A: I can't stand the sight of mine!

Q: Could you be happy with a boy like me?
A: Maybe, If you weren't around too often!

She's such a nice bird.
She must be if she goes out with a worm like you!

The computer dating agency picked me out as an ideal boyfriend?
But who wants to go out with a computer!