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Actor Jokes

Short Actor Jokes

    Q: How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A1: Five-- one to climb the ladder and the other four to say that should have been me!
    A2: One to change it, and 99 to stand there and say 'I could have done it better.'
    A3: Just one. He stands there, and the world revolves around him.

    Q: How many assistant directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: One, but she has to check with the director first to make sure he wants the bulb there.

    Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Depends on what it says in the script

    Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Doesn't the stage manager do that?

    Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: What's the light bulb's motivation?

    Q: How many straight actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Both of them.

    Q: How does an actor screw in a light bulb?
    A: He just holds it, and the world revolves around him.

    Q: What's black, crispy, and hangs from the ceiling?
    A: An actor trying to change a light bulb.

    Q: How do you get an actor off your front porch?
    A: Pay him for the pizza.

    Q: What's the most dangerous thing in your average community theatre?
    A: An actor with a power tool.

    Q: What do directors do with dead actors?
    A: Make them chorus members.

    Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?
    A: Someone who knows how to act but doesn't.

    Q: How do actors traditionally greet one another?
    A: "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm better than you."

    Q: How many actors does it take to wallpaper a room?
    A: Only three, if you slice them very thin.

    Q: A van with four actors in it goes off a cliff. What's the tragedy in this?
    A: You can fit a lot more than four actors in a van.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead actor in the road and a dead snake in the road?
    A: Skid marks in front of the snake.

    Q: You're driving down a road and see your director and an actor crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first, and why?
    A: Your director--business before pleasure.

    Q: How can you tell when a plane is full of actors?
    A: When the engine stops, the whining continues.

    Q: What do you call 20 actors at the bottom of a lake?
    A: A good start.

    Q: What do you call an actor with two brain cells?
    A: Pregnant

    How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
    Only one. They don't like to share a spotlight.


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