Short Christmas Jokes 5 at Jokes.Net

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Christmas Jokes

Short Christmas Jokes 5

Every Christmas I get an awful pain that stays for a week. Then my mother-in-law goes back to her own home.

'Mummy' said the small boy, 'can I have a saluki or a dachshund for Christmas?'
'No', replied his mother, 'you'll have what lots of other people are having - turkey.'

The little girl would have bought her grandmother a box of handkerchiefs for Christmas, but she couldn't do this as she said she didn't know the exact size of her grandmother's nose.

Q: What do angry mice send at Christmas?
A: Cross mouse cards.

I once gave my boyfriend a pocket comb for Christmas, but he never used it. He said he didn't need to comb his pockets.

My husband is always moaning at me. Whatever I do, he can find something to complain about.

Last Christmas he gave me two pairs of ear-rings - one covered in plastic pearls and the other in fake diamonds.

When I put on the plastic pearl ones said: "What's wrong with the diamond ones? Don’t you like them?"

I can always tell what my wife is getting me for Christmas by looking at the receipts the credit card company sends to me.

'At Christmas we went to the pantomime. It was Finderella.'

'That sounds rather fishy to me.'

'It was. It had a Fairy Cod mother in it, and Finderella lost her flipper at the fish ball.'

Q: Where does Santa Claus keep his red suit?
A: In his Santa Clauset.

Q: What's red and white and green all over?
A: An airsick Santa Claus!

Q: Why does Santa have a house at the North Pole?
A: Because he's too fat to squeeze into an igloo!

Q: What's red and white and full of holes?
A: Swiss Kringle!

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