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Lawyer Jokes

Short Lawyer Jokes 4

  • Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer

    He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
    When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
    He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
    He tells you that he has never told a lie.
    A big sign in his office says: "Don't ask me."
    A prison guard is shaving your head.

  • How lawyers do it...

    Lawyers do it with appeal.
    Lawyers do it confidentially.
    Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
    Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
    Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
    Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.

  • You Might Be a Lawyer if...

    you are charging someone for reading these jokes.
    you believe that a forty words' sentence is a short one.
    you have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
    you can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it's verbal or written.
    your other car is a BMW.
    when you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
    when your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.

  • The scene is a law court. The prosecution counsel faces the female witness and rasps: 'Is it true you committed adultery on the 18th of June in a snowstorm while riding on the roof of an automobile travelling at ninety miles an hour through Slough with a one-legged dwarf waving a Union Jack?'

    The young woman in the witness box looked straight at the prosecuting counsel and said, calmly: 'What was the date again?'

  • Judge: 'Did you sleep with this woman?'
    Man in witness box: 'No, your honor, not a wink.'

  • Policeman in witness box: This woman came up to me when I was in plain clothes and tried to pass off this five pound note, m'lud.'
    Judge: 'Counterfeit?'
    Policeman in witness box: 'Yes, m'lud, she had two.'

  • The judge had just finished telling the prisoner that he was free to go as the jury had found him not guilty of fraud, so the prisoner asked: 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'

  • The most difficult task a young lawyer ever had was the evening he spent trying to change a beautiful young lady's will.

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