Jokes.Net Professional Jokes:
Short Lawyer Jokes 4
- Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
He tells you that he has never told a lie.
A big sign in his office says: "Don't ask me."
A prison guard is shaving your head.
- How lawyers do it...
Lawyers do it with appeal.
Lawyers do it confidentially.
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.
- You Might Be a Lawyer if...
you are charging someone for reading these jokes.
you believe that a forty words' sentence is a short one.
you have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
you can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it's verbal or written.
your other car is a BMW.
when you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
when your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.
- The scene is a law court. The prosecution counsel faces the female witness and rasps: 'Is it true you committed adultery on the 18th of June in a snowstorm while riding on the roof of an automobile travelling at ninety miles an hour through Slough with a one-legged dwarf waving a Union Jack?'
The young woman in the witness box looked straight at the prosecuting counsel and said, calmly: 'What was the date again?'
- Judge: 'Did you sleep with this woman?'
Man in witness box: 'No, your honor, not a wink.'
- Policeman in witness box: This woman came up to me when I was in plain clothes and tried to pass off this five pound note, m'lud.'
Policeman in witness box: 'Yes, m'lud, she had two.'
- The judge had just finished telling the prisoner that he was free to go as the jury had found him not guilty of fraud, so the prisoner asked: 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'
- The most difficult task a young lawyer ever had was the evening he spent trying to change a beautiful young lady's will.
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