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Short Musician Jokes 5

    There was a certain bartender who was quite famous for being able to accurately guess people's IQs. One night a man walked in and talked to him briefly and the bartender said, "Wow! You must have an IQ of about 140! You should meet this guy over here." So they talked for a while about nuclear physics and existential philosophy and had a great time.

    A second man walked in and soon the bartender has guessed about a 90 IQ for him. So he sat him down in front of the big-screen TV and he watched football with the other guys and had a hell of a time.

    Then a third man stumbled in and talked to the bartender for a while. The bartender said to himself, "Jeez! I think this guy's IQ must be about 29!" He took him over to a man sitting at a little table back in the corner and said, "You might enjoy talking with this guy for a while."

    After the bartender left, the man at the table said, "So do you play French bow or German bow?"

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    Q: A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
    A: The conductor. Business before pleasure.

    Q: What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete?
    A: Not enough concrete.

    Q: Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival?
    A: The good news: it crashed.
    A: The bad news: there were three empty seats on board.

    Q: What's the difference between a symphony conductor and Dr Scholl's footpads?
    A: Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet.

    Q: What's the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor?
    A: There are some things a pig just isn't willing to do.

    Q: What's the difference between God and a conductor?
    A: God knows He's not a conductor.

    Q: What's the definition of an assistant conductor?
    A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

    Q: What's the difference between alto clef and Greek?
    A: Some conductors actually read Greek.


    A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry,he's dead," comes the reply.

    The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."


    Q: How do you know when deadheads have been staying with you?
    A: They're still there.

    Q: What do deadheads say when they run out of pot?
    A: What is this awful music?

    Q:What's the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
    A:The lipstick.

    Q: Why did they invent keyboards?
    A: So musicians would have someplace to put their beers.


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