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Nurses Jokes

Short Nurses Jokes

    Doctor: "Did you take the patient's temperature?"
    Nurse: "No. Is it missing?"


    Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?"
    Nurse: "No change yet."


    Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

    The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, but occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

    The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

    The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."

    St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ... for five days!"


    Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. Everytime the young nurse came in, she would say in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?!"

    Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

    The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it and says, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatches the bottle out of her hand, drinks its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."


    Q: What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?
    A: If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it'll probably stop whining.


    Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.


    Q: What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
    A: A nun only serves one God.


    A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."

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