Your wife can't fix you dinner because she has cheerleading practice.
You consider safe sex as having a padded truck bed.
You think safe sex is having a pad in the head board of your bed.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner
You ever get hot flashes at cattle auctions
You have ever financed a tattoo
Slamming the door on your truck creates an instant sunroof.
You paint your car with house paint
Steeling road signs is a family outing.
Your side by side refrigerator consist of two igloo coolers
Some offers you a silver plate and you pull off you belt buckle and say "no thanks, I've already got one"
You've ever yelled out the window "KIDS!! STOP PLAYIN' ON THAT SHEET METAL!'
Your child's first pet was a chicken
You think God looks like Hank Williams, Jr.
You have more guns than teeth
Your baby's first words were "Attention, KMart shoppers"
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs
You use your belt buckle as identification
Your belt buckle is bigger than your head
Your family tree doesn't fork
You consider dating second cousins 'playing the field'
You've ever used your fishing license as a form of identification
You missed your graduation because your kids were sick
You refer to fifth grade as "My senior year"
Somebody yells "Hoe down!" and your wife hits the floor
The highlight of your family reunion was your sister's nude dancing debut
You go to your sister's wedding so you can kiss the bride
Your family reunion was ruined 'cause your daddy burnt the Spam
You go fishing with a generator and a piece of copper wire
Fancy eating out (for you) involves drivin' to the next window