A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain at a bar in Texas.
He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your smart ass hillbilly jokes; we ain't all stupid here in the South."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up, "You stay out of this Mister, I'm talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee!"
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF
Your sleepin' with the cows and you smell like one!!!!!!
A sign on the street says no crackin' and that reminds you to pull up your pants!!
Your kids call your sister mom
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve~year~old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws:
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever die right after saying "Hey, ya'll watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once mined by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Day care.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Your dad calls you "Chip" and walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
If you can smash a beer can on your imaginary friend's forehead, and it works.
If you think the nutcracker is some thing you did off the high dive!
If you leave beer & pickled eggs for Santa.
If you have ever spelled some thing wrong you wrote out in Christmas lights.
If you go up a water tower with a can of paint to protect your sister.
If you carry a shotgun in the back seat of your truck!
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