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You Might Be a Salesperson if...

you refer to dating as test marketing.
when you bought a new house you called your fellow alumni and offered to name a room after them, if they'll help with the down payment.
your favorite stories begin "Bob Jones, VP of marketing, sat at his desk and stared out his window..."
when you give your son his birthday present, you must say that it has an "unprecedented performance".
when you describe a product as "maintenance-free" you mean that it is impossible to fix it.
you insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.

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Q: How many salespeople does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. "You don't need a new light bulb - you need to upgrade your socket to the newest version."
A2: Just one, but it'll take technical support weeks to sort out the mess left behind.
A3: Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under him.

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A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when a salesman runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"
"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."

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A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."

The salesman thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said.

"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the salesman, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."