Stock Market Jokes
That's it I say to myself. It's time I make that decision that all longs consider at one time or another. I am going to short my first stock. I am thinking to myself "This stock is overvalued. It can't sustain these levels. This is money in the bank. Guaranteed baby!!"
I phone my broker.
"How can I help you Mr.Junkie."
"I want to place a trade. I want to short 1000 share of ABC." After a few seconds he says,
"I am sorry Mr.Junkie. I can't process that for you. Your account is a cash account. You need a margin account to short a stock. I can send you the application or you could go to your nearest financial institution to fill out the forms."
I head out the door the minute I get off the phone because time was a wasting and as they say time is money. I run into the financial institution fill out the form and have a taxi deliver it directly to my broker. Next morning I call the broker.
" Hello it's Mr.Junkie did you get the application"
"Yes We did."
"Great I would like to short ABC then."
"One minute please. I am sorry Mr.Junkie but you now need a shorters account."
"What! You mean the margin account isn't enough?
"No you also need a shorters account. Nearest financial institution has the forms"
Off I go again. I complete the form and have it sent by courier to the broker.
Next day I call again.
"Please I want to short 1000 shares of abc"
"One moment please." Voice returns within a few seconds. "Sorry Mr.Junkie you don't have enough funds. To short a stock you need 150% the equity value of the stock you are shorting."
"Transfer the funds from my bank account." I demand.
"Will do Mr.Junkie but it will take 2 days for it to be in your account" he replies
two days later I call.
"It's Mr.Junkie did you get the funds transfer."
"Yes Mr.Junkie we did"
"Great I want to short 1000 shares of abc at $155"
Few moments later "Mr. Junkie I am sorry but I don't think that is possible"
"Why not. Now what's the problem?"
"We'll the last trade went through at $101."