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Christmas Jokes

Short Christmas Jokes 5

  • Every Christmas I get an awful pain that stays for a week. Then my mother-in-law goes back to her own home.

  • 'Mummy' said the small boy, 'can I have a saluki or a dachshund for Christmas?'
    'No', replied his mother, 'you'll have what lots of other people are having - turkey.'

  • The little girl would have bought her grandmother a box of handkerchiefs for Christmas, but she couldn't do this as she said she didn't know the exact size of her grandmother's nose.

  • Q: What do angry mice send at Christmas?
    A: Cross mouse cards.

  • I once gave my boyfriend a pocket comb for Christmas, but he never used it. He said he didn't need to comb his pockets.

  • My husband is always moaning at me. Whatever I do, he can find something to complain about.

    Last Christmas he gave me two pairs of ear-rings - one covered in plastic pearls and the other in fake diamonds.

    When I put on the plastic pearl ones said: "What's wrong with the diamond ones? Donít you like them?"

  • I can always tell what my wife is getting me for Christmas by looking at the receipts the credit card company sends to me.

  • 'At Christmas we went to the pantomime. It was Finderella.'

    'That sounds rather fishy to me.'

    'It was. It had a Fairy Cod mother in it, and Finderella lost her flipper at the fish ball.'

    Q: Where does Santa Claus keep his red suit?
    A: In his Santa Clauset.

    Q: What's red and white and green all over?
    A: An airsick Santa Claus!

    Q: Why does Santa have a house at the North Pole?
    A: Because he's too fat to squeeze into an igloo!

    Q: What's red and white and full of holes?
    A: Swiss Kringle!

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