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Teacher Jokes

Short Teacher Jokes

    The teacher asked, " Can you give me a good example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?"
    "Well," one alert pupil answered, "the days are much longer in summer.''

    The kindergarten teacher was standing outside her room as the children entered one morning. Along came little David, deliberately winking his left eye.
    "Why, David," said the teacher, "are you winking at me?"
    "No, just got my turn signal on," David replied, making a neat left turn into his room.

    The absent-minded professor paused to chat awhile with one of his students, then asked, "Which way was I going when I stopped to talk to you?''
    "That way,'' the student pointed.
    ''Good,'' said the professor, ''then I've had my lunch."

    Even though I was an engineering student at the University of Maryland, chemistry was a required course in my day. The Professor, on the first day of class, asked everyone to name the most outstanding contribution chemistry had made to society.
    When my turn came, I answered, "Blondes!"

    The fifth grader came home from school bubbling with excitement after having been voted "Prettiest Girl in the Class." She was even more excited when she came home the next day after the class had voted her "Most Popular." But several days later when she announced she had won a third contest, she was somewhat subdued.
    "What were you voted this time?" her mother asked.
    "Most Stuck-up,'" the girl replied.

    1960s ARITHMETIC TEST: "A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of that amount. What is his profit?"
    70s new-math test: "A logger exchanges a set (L) of lumber for a set (M) of money. The cardinality of Set M is 100. The Set C of production costs contains 20 fewer points. What cardinality of Set P of profits?"
    80s "dumb down" version: "A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost is $80, his profit is $20. Find and circle the number 20."
    90s version: "An unenlightened logger cuts down a beautiful stand of 100 trees in order to make a $20 profit. Write an essay explaining how you feel about this as a way to make money. Topic for discussion: How did the forests and squirrels feel?"

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